by Daryl Hoole
A visitor to our home announced, with a twinkle in his eyes, “I came to see if you fold the garbage.” We both laughed. In every joke, however, is a kernel of truth. He wanted to know if I had gone overboard in my housekeeping.
A friend lamented that she grew up with a mother who cleaned everything all the time, even to dusting the bottoms of the dressers. She compared this extreme behavior to a neighbor in the next farmhouse down the road who, from all appearances, never cleaned anything any time. It was storied that one day she opened a cupboard and a chicken flew out. My friend says she entered marriage and commenced managing a home determined to find a sane approach, just the right balance for herself and her family.
We've all heard someone proclaim loudly, “Oh, I don't care much about housecleaning and those things. I'm too busy doing other things to worry about dishes and dinners.” Or someone will boast, “I don't clean and I don't cook.” We often attempt to compensate for our inadequacies with humor. A non-cook, trying to explain to a friend at the supermarket why she never plans and prepares meals for her family, said, “The best I do is Chicken Ding. I just put a piece of frozen chicken in the microwave and wait until I hear a ‘ding.'”
What “other things” could be more important than preparing nutritious meals for our family and keeping the house we share with them clean and comfortable? Certainly it is not intended that we spend our lives in the kitchen. And our homes need not be perfect or serve as showplaces. The principle to be considered here is balance.
To strike a good balance, we must prioritize all our pursuits. (see “The Priority Principle: Doing First Things First”.) It is only reasonable that we devote our highest priority to serving those whom we love the most and to giving our best to those whose car has been entrusted to us. When we know that we have first fulfilled our basic responsibilities to our family and home, the time we then devote to other activities can be more satisfying.
The purpose of a home is to provide a setting that is conducive to the happiness and well-being of the family. Having a clean and orderly house can help facilitate this, but that should not become the goal in itself. An example from a busy mother of five young children illustrates this point:
At one time there were many demands on me and I was trying to do everything perfectly. My stress level was extremely high and tension was taking its toll on our entire family. One autumn evening I was preparing dinner and feeling like a pressure cooker waiting to blow. My eldest son walked into the kitchen with one those large plastic bread bags stuffed with acorns. I asked him to take the acorns outside, but instead he started swinging the bag around.
The inevitable happened. The bag split open and acorns flew everywhere. Our home has an open floor plan and there were acorns in every corner of the main floor. For a split second I thought I would explode, but as I looked at my children I could see fear in their eyes as they waited for my reaction. Then a miracle occurred. I laughed. Immediately everyone was laughing and the tension was completely gone. The kids scrambled to pick up every acorn without my even asking them. What could have been an ugly incident turned out to be a good memory for our family.
Everyone needs some respite in their lives. This is particularly true of mothers who are on duty twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. It's not good for children to have a stressed-out mother. It's important for our children to see us balancing all aspects of our lives, including our personal needs. We should allow them to see us enjoying a good book, pursuing a hobby or having a nap when we're tired.
We really appreciate it when family members, especially our husbands, and others make it possible for us to have a break in our routine.
See that all these things are done in wisdom and order, for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. -- Mosiah 4:27
Running Better
A balanced life runs better, just like a balanced car — with all four tires aligned and each filled with just the right amount of air. We know the value of a balanced diet and a balanced budget. We pray for a more balanced world.
The dictionary defines balance as “steadiness.” When we're balanced or steady, we don't tip too far to one side or the other and fall off the track. We stay on course. Being well balanced is a key characteristic in successful home management and effective parenting.
A balanced life feels better. Most of us like ourselves better when we can sense a good balance in our lives. On a personal note, I'm thankful for the skills that are mine that help me to be organized and efficient. However, I don't want these qualities to be my sole identity. I would hope there are also other attributes about me that are of worth.
Once while visiting a cousin I saw a plaque on her kitchen wall that expressed these sentiments. It read, “I know I'm efficient. Tell me I'm beautiful.”
Balance in Our Children
Finding a good balance is challenging. Family life is very different now from how it was a generation ago. We as parents today need to be much more vigilant in protecting our children from the world. Not only do we have to watch over them closely as they go about in the community, but we also have to stand guard in our homes to prevent undesirable intrusion.
We want our children to be involved and busy with good things so the negative influences of society don't have as much effect on them. We may find it important to spend extra time with them. This requires a major commitment of our time, energy, and awareness. It may be necessary to adjust our schedules in order to accommodate these needs if we're to avert tension and stress in our lives and homes. Avoiding extremism and perfectionism, being flexible, and continually reevaluating and prioritizing can help us along the way.
It's imperative that children also find and maintain a balance in their lives. As parents, they need our guidance and encouragement in this quest. Sometimes we must endeavor to protect them from themselves. Furthermore, we must not over-program them or place expectations upon them that unduly pressure or burden them. At the same time, we want to help them develop the habits, skills, and talents that will enrich their lives.
In response to the frenzied lifestyle that is prevalent among us, a concerned bishop, R. Scott Strong, gave a powerful address to his ward members entitled “Speed.” Following are excerpts from his message:
We must push ourselves away from Babylon's over-laden table and look carefully and prayerfully at life's multitudinous offerings and choose wisely ... We must each learn that an abundant life is not found by abounding in the possessions and activities of the world, but by the children of God abounding in the fruits of the Spirit while being content with sufficient for our worldly needs ... We need to look each other in the eyes across our dinner tables with mother and father in their places.
Contrary to popular belief, the grand key to a righteous, full, and happy life is not the lofty principle of excellence but the unassuming principle of balance ... Our children do not need to do every sport, play every instrument, be in every club, excel in every subject, and visit every port.
We need to rescue our souls from the honor of men by honoring first our covenants with God ... We need to rescue our marriages from our love of the fleeting world by rediscovering our eternal love for each other ... We need to tell employers and coaches “no” and go home and hold Monday family home evenings and keep Sabbath days sacred ... Today's middle American children and marriages don't need more toys — they need more togetherness; they don't need more hours in the day — they need fewer activities in their hours.
Let us show our children the true light, not by wanting it all, but by wanting them above all ... The choice of life has never been should we sacrifice, but rather what should we sacrifice. Ancient Israel sacrificed their children upon the altars of Baal. Is modern Israel any wiser? ... We need to turn off the rock and roll blasting in our ears, the TV talk shows resonating in our heads, and the wisdom of the world reverberating in our minds and listen instead to the wind, and each other, and the Spirit and help our hyperactive children of [this supersonic age] learn to “be still and know God.”
Balance in our lives makes a lot of sense. It is vitally important that we control our passions and curtail our appetites. It is important that we strive to do the right things for the right reasons. We should avoid excesses in all things. It's been said that a “fast way to hell is to take the ‘excess express.'”
Once we have chosen to become a wife and a mother, we have also chosen to assume a sacred responsibility. We have made a commitment that has eternal consequences. We're obligated to put selfishness and self-centeredness and extremes and excesses in our behavior behind us and endeavor to find a proper balance in our activities. We must measure everything we do by whether it is for the good of the family.
It's critical to our well-being and that of our family that we are honestly aware concerning ourselves and that we humbly seek a balance in all our pursuits through the promptings and direction of the Spirit. (For the full text, see chapter 15, p. 137-142, in The Ultimate Career — The Art of Homemaking for Today .)
