by Daryl Hoole

“Of all the super heroes I would want to be, it's the elastic woman,” declared a friend who had just seen the movie, The Incredibles. Her declaration, even though amusing, led us into a serious discussion about the important element of flexibility in the management of our lives and homes.

It was my good fortune to grow up in an orderly home with parents who practiced the principles of efficiency and organization. Circumstances came along, however, that taught me the value of adding another principle to our living — flexibility.

My father was a reserve army officer, and in 1940 (when world conditions became tense), he was called up to active duty. My parents loaded me, age 6, and my sister, a toddler, into their green Hudson, and, pulling a little trailer filled with household goods, we headed for Oklahoma where my father was to be stationed at Fort Sill. After a year, World War II broke out, and what was to have been just a short-term training assignment for my father turned into an epoch that lasted six years.

My father's transfers took us from Fort Sill, Oklahoma, in the middle of the United States, to Camp Roberts, California, on the west coast, to Fort Bragg, North Carolina, on the east coast. My first grade year of school included five schools and six teachers in three states. By the time I returned home to Salt Lake City for junior high school, I had been enrolled in seventeen different schools.

As if this were not challenge enough, adding to it was my name — that had to be explained, pronounced, and spelled in every new situation. “No, Daryl is not a boy's name in my case,” I would insist as I watched them roll their eyes and change me from the boys' roll to the girls'. “Daryl rhymes with Carl or Laurel,” I offered, and “Yes, my last name really is Van Dam,” I would explain.

I was hurt when my playmates and others made fun of me for being a Mormon. I couldn't understand why people would say unkind things about a church, especially one that blessed our family so much. My parents fortified me by teaching me some appropriate responses.

I was stunned when I attended an elementary school on an army base to find that officers' children weren't “supposed” to play with enlisted men's children at recess. I played with everyone anyway.

As I enrolled at various schools I found myself way ahead of the class in some places and far behind in others. As a third grade newcomer in one school, I aced the spelling test on my first day. (I was the only one in the class to get all the words on the list correct.) After several weeks of perfect spelling scores, the teacher told me I was “exempt” from spelling and could use that time for personal projects. I didn't know what exempt meant (though I could spell it), but the teacher was smiling as she spoke so I assumed it was okay. At another school in a different state, I was hopelessly behind in math. My dad had to teach me long division at home and work with me for weeks to help me catch up.

There was as an acute housing shortage in the towns nearby the army camps due to the sudden “invasion” of military families. Once we lived in two remodeled concession stands that had been pushed together to make a house. They didn't quite meet in the middle, and every time it rained — which it did daily that season — water would run from the roofs into the house. And whenever anyone ran or jumped, the lights would flicker and the power would go out.

By that time, I had a little brother who did lots of running and jumping. The sink was frequently clogged and many days the toilet failed to flush. It seemed my father had to work on one drain or another every day to keep them all functioning.

Another time we lived in a motel unit for three months while a house was being constructed. Chicken pox made the rounds in the family, and my younger sister also came down with whooping cough. Mother cooked our meals on a hot plate and made do without adequate refrigeration. She did the family laundry in a tiny portable Montgomery Ward washer. There were no clotheslines, and dryers were still a dream, so she dried each article by hanging it on the furniture. The cabinets weren't adequate, so she supplemented them with boxes. Gas rationing limited the use of the car, so outings were infrequent.

Mother smiled her way through all the inconveniences, grateful that at least we were together as a family. Instead of complaining, she put her energy into organizing a Relief Society in every branch we attended. She also organized a neighborhood Primary in one location, and the stories she told from The Children's Friend were very popular with my young friends of other faiths.

In spite of the constant state of upheaval, my parents claimed we were the luckiest children alive — and we believed them. Why, weren't we making many new friends, weren't we learning to adapt to any situation, and didn't we enjoy seeing national scenic and historical sites as we traveled from coast to coast? We were convinced as well of the truth of the old adage that we always had a home even though we didn't always have a house to put it in.

I didn't appreciate it at the time, but I've since come to realize that even though chaos could have easily prevailed in our home, it never did. Instead, things were under control. In place of anxiety, there were adjustments and adaptations. There was war in the world, but we had peace at home.

Following are some tips for incorporating flexibility into your daily life:

Build flexibility into your planning and scheduling.

• Keep a running to-do list of tasks and activities that can be worked in any time, in addition to your plan for daily housework. In other words, don't schedule everything by the day. Some things can be done any time in the next week or so.
• Allow for interruptions, delays, and the unexpected.
• Avoid the plight of the woman who admitted, “I haven't got a schedule — the schedule's got me.”
• Be careful making promises to your children. In most cases it's best to just make plans , thus allowing for any necessary changes without losing credibility with your children.
• Don't forget — it's better to plan too much and get only half of it done than to plan nothing and get it all done.
• Remember to “Plan specifically so you can implement flexibly” (Elder Dallin H. Oaks).

Don't hesitate to resort to “Plan B” when good sense dictates.

• Be smart and include an alternate plan (or plans) as part of your initial planning whenever applicable. It's always good to be prepared with a back-up idea.
• Don't underestimate a “Plan B.” It might turn out to be the best plan of all.

We embarked on a big project one Saturday years ago when our children were young. After the work was done, we told the children, we would walk to a nearby ice cream store and treat them to milk shakes.

The children completed their assignments and ran outside to play while they waited for their dad and me. By the time we parents had done our work and were ready to gather up our children, every one of them had a friend or two playing in the yard with them. Hank and I quickly surveyed the situation and quietly questioned our children about whether they wanted milkshakes for themselves or ice cream cones for them and their friends. It was a unanimous vote for the ice cream cones, and we were all winners.

Remember, there is usually more than one way to do things right. In many cases there is no one right answer.

For example, for years it's been debated whether one should vacuum or dust first. There are pros and cons either way. The consensus is — it doesn't matter.”

Another example, in handling recipes some prefer the card file method, others like to insert recipes in plastic page protectors in an indexed binder, still others enter their recipes into a computer and relocate them electronically. It's the results, not the system, that matter in the storage and retrieval of recipes.

Be willing to change your mind when it's the smart thing to do.

• Be careful not to fall for every whim or notion that comes along, but it's okay to change your mind when new facts come to light or when greater insights become apparent.
• Don't refuse to change your mind just because you don't want to give in. There is a fine line between having integrity and being stubborn.
• Be humble and teachable — not like the person who said, “Don't confuse me with the facts; my mind is made up.”

Don't forget that it's better to bend than to break.

• Stand firm on principle, but be willing to yield, when advisable, on policy or procedure.
• Be made of the stuff that bends instead of breaks — selflessness, graciousness, thoughtfulness, kindness, good sense, and intuitiveness.

It really is helpful to have some rubber in us. Being an “elastic woman” makes life better for us and for all those around us. The following verses sum it up.

The Elastic Woman

I've become an elastic woman —
It was either bend or break!
I had to learn to “go with the flow”
And adapt, for sanity's sake.

When my schedule was my master,
My refusal to compromise
Alienated family and friends,
Nearly causing my demise!

Life is what really happens
When other things are planned,
And my own little world is more peaceful and kind
With “flexibility on demand!”

Poem by Phyllis White
Ogden, Utah